born to the heir of belgian royalty and a wisconsin cheesehead, joseph ahern spent much of his life around technology. in his 7th year of formal education, his parents agreed to pay the monthly fee for his first web server but, in return, he was forced to wax his eyebrows. while some say his quench for conformity was painfully ripped away with said eyebrows, others would say he has always had a strong dislike for "social norms." he sports tortoise-shell raybans and classic high-tops and prefers long wind sprints, rather than walks, on the beach. when he's not explaining to his grandma the difference between a fax machine and a floppy disk, you can find him blowing fuses with his band, the tobacco bandits, or explaining to godaddy that his non-payment was due mostly in part to a nigerian email scam. his interests include extreme parasailing, platform diving, and motocross, all of which he's never actually done. he prefers both mustard and ketchup on his hotdog. he says "pop" not "soda." he's never seen any of the godfather flicks.

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